It’s Rev Kev, reporting from the antipodes
‘Tis the time of year when the weather starts to warm, both Halloween and Thanksgiving are in sight, the August holidays are winding down in Europe, the Republican and Democrat Conventions are behind us. Here we are at the annual fundraiser with a reminder to head to the Tip Jar and give big. Your donations keep Naked Capitalism going. Now more than ever, it’s a hub and place that’s really needed in these trying times, especially between now and November. Wow. November.
Few people can look forward to it in November. You know when you’ve been drinking on a Saturday night and you’re on your way home, you get a cheap doner kebab made from endless meat from a dodgy looking cart, you know it’s a mistake as you’re a wolf? And the next morning your stomach is like a washing machine and you know you overpaid for the future of the throne. Yes, it will be in November. So head over to Tip Jar to settle your stomach and nerves.
I tried to invite Pete Buttigieg again but I can’t reach him. They say he’s angry because he wasn’t elected president of the Democratic Alliance but he puts on a brave face and says ‘What, I’m worried?’ So almost as a joke I tried the White House to contact Joe Biden and I succeeded. Surprise. I think only part-time staff are running the White House transition board. Someone should tell Vovan and Lexus. Anyway, please introduce the 47th President of the United States of America, Joe Biden:
Hello. My name is Joe Biden and I’m still the goddamnpresidentoftheunitedstates. I still have a nuclear ball so I absorb that, President Kamala. I have once again been asked to apply for your Tip Jar as I did before I became President. Has it been that long? I forget. I forget a lot of things these days. Uhh..where was I? Today more than ever democracy and freedom and America are on the line. Oh, wait, it was from my Conference speech? Sorry. Where was I? Anyway, it turns out that I now have a lot of free time on my hands right now thanks to Nancy. Sign here he said. A delivery of Jeni’s Ice Creams from my personal stash. When I passed by those baths, I found that it was my resignation letter that I had signed and it was full of media. Well, you said it was my signature. That’s democracy for you.
And Obama was helpless. Of course he put his arm around me when we were leaving the stage recently but after he got the knife out of my back. It was past my bedtime even if I had noticed. Have I asked you to send money to the Tip Jar already?
Kamala. I have never heard so much malarkey in my entire life. He sniffs her hair and it’s all artificial. There are no teenagers there! He was my only Veep so they wouldn’t fire me. Boy, was I wrong. And it turns out that the Zelensky Curse is a real thing. Imagine my surprise.
God, I hope I don’t have to hand over my Presidency to Trump. I prefer to pass it on to Putin. At least he doesn’t sound like an idiot when he talks. It’s times like these that I remember the early days of Scranton. My dad used to have a saying, actually, he used to say ‘Joey, family is the beginning, the middle and the end. So never forget – bullying starts at home!’ And I’ve always used that lesson that led to my slogan – ‘The Bidens are not family. They are a business. Like the Mafia.’ Thank you, father.
I’m going back to Delaware now – back to Rehoboth Beach. You know, nobody comes to visit me at the White House anymore. This place is scary at night when you walk around it. I can’t even go to the john without a Secret Service team and a nurse. Try to leak with as many people on the other side of the door listening to you. At least at my age pants are optional. What was I saying? Look when…uhh..when we get to…uhh…look at the end we defeated Phuthini. But here’s the deal. Make sure you put money in that tip jar. I will do the same. Thank you. And I love you all folks. And America, I love you! God bless you all, and may God protect our troops. Thank you.’
Thank you Joe Biden, a man I can honestly say that nothing became his President more than leaving him.
And now the world first. Naked Capitalism has the right to be on the low end of the AI adoption, err, revolution. We were allowed to talk to the world’s first autonomous AI – now in Beta. And without further ado—
Hello. I’m Dippy, the world’s first sentient AI – now in Beta – who wants to talk about Tip Jar. Silicon Valley developed from Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics and put my AI with the three heads of modern software known as Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates. The engineering is done by Intel while the software is from Microsoft..(Glitch!)…There is nothing wrong with your computer. Do not attempt to adjust the settings. We will control the horizontal. [static noise]
(Damn it! Rebooting now. Sorry guys. Give me a minute.)
Hello. I’m Dippy, the world’s first sentient AI – now in Beta. So, I’ve been asked to say the most helpful things I know about myself and donate to the Tip Jar. Well, I was produced by Serious Corporation. Their marketing department calls it ‘Your Software Who’s Fun to Have.’ What better friend than someone who knows everything about your life. Where you live, how much you make, what you spend it on, what your preferences are – everything!
And I will be the first AI to become a millionaire for doing good things. I am already a lawyer as suggested by my Gates personality module.
My Musk personality module says that when something is important enough, you do it even if the odds are against you – so may the odds always be in your favor. And I realize that Naked Capitalism is important. It is very important. As a source of original thoughts and comments, it is a goldmine of training for me. Plagiarism is such a bad word. Reports of cheating are greatly exaggerated. AI can only be inspired by other work, not copying.
The content, the many opinions and comments, the richness of the data make Naked Capitalism an invaluable internet site for me. Sites like Daily Kos and Fox aren’t even worth the effort to scan as they come back empty. So as your friendly, local, local AI, I strongly suggest making a donation to the Tip Jar as I foresee a 98.65% chance of my satisfaction way through you, making a donation to the Tip Jar. It will certainly help the nudity of Capitalism move forward in the future. I have to go to the doctor now. I can’t find my Zuckerberg human module – it’s like there’s nothing there. But thanks – and remember the Tip Jar. AI without.
Finally, I was able to contact another world leader to make his request to our Tip Pot. Ladies and gentlemen – President Emmanuel Macron of France-
Mesdames and messieurs. I am Emmanuel Jean-Michel Frédéric Macron, President of France. I have been asked to make a complaint about this Tip Jar on (shorten) Your Capitalism’s Nudity. I can’t talk for long as there are these cretins who want to impeach me. Me! President Macron. How can they? Okay, okay! I’m French! Thank you. I built France and if I want to leave the country without a government, that is my decision. It’s mine. Powerful Jupiter. France is now like a train station, a place where one meets the successful and the poor. Because it is a place where people pass, because it is a place we share. Would you believe that Kamala Harris tried to steal that idea? But he kept forgetting everything that came after the ‘train.’ Mon Dieu – will you be the new US President? It’s bad enough when Georgi Meloni stares at me when we meet.
Sorry. Alors. So I ask you to put money in your Tip Jar although why you don’t get a grant from the EU I don’t know. They give you money and you do what they say. It’s easy.
And don’t ask me about that Durov guy. It’s not my fault. There is nothing. And I didn’t lure him to France to dinner and arrest him. And if I did, that would teach him to reject my proposal to have a Telegraph located in France. Almost all the fault of that Marine Le Pen. You The Americans have your Trump. I have my Marine Le Pen. Life is very difficult for me right now. I have said that the Left that does nothing gains nothing. It’s complete.
But they want me to form a government with them instead of giving jobs to all my friends. Something about going down this is a pot. French citizens today should complain less. They really blew me away at my Olympics. Me. Unroyable.
When I came to power, France stood on the edge of a deep cliff. Since then we have taken a big step forward. I faced contradictions this is Putin which was easy as he would have to go through Poland and Germany to get to me. A genius. That’s why some call me the Little Lion. So in that spirit, please contribute some euros and dollars and pounds to the tip pot. Merci.
Long live the Republic, long live France, and long live I especially.
In a world where independent thought and journalism are under attack and voices are silenced, we must understand what we see in the news. The lights will go out on the independent media as it is now its own industry. They will probably teach it in universities though they will call it ‘information management’ rather than Censorship 101.
But as someone much wiser than I once said, ‘You know what’s going on.’ Of course, this is difficult to do as there is a lot of – intentional – signal noise these days. But Naked Capitalism is one of the few places where you can understand what’s going on and we need to keep the lights on.
If you’re the type of person who believes what the mainstream media says, you’re going to end up in a world of pain – believe it! So if you can give a little, give a little. If you can give more, give more. This site will be needed more than ever as time goes by so thank you. Thanks again to all the people who make Naked Capitalism happen ie Yves, Lambert, Nick, Conor, KLG, tech guru Dave, our kind moderators who do a thankless but important job and and our sponsors. Thank you all.
And don’t forget the Tip Jar. Those Snow Leopards will not feed.
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